Parental Controls

Who knew the fears we carry as adults came from the people that raised us? You, my readers shared personal experiences of disapproving adult figures lurking in the background transferring their own life's disappointments to their children.
I was blind but now I see the cycle. I dealt with a mother I could never please. I didn't have the lavish wedding she wanted me to go in debt for. It does not matter I am approaching my 33rd wedding anniversary. I failed her as a daughter. She never hung my nuptial day photo on the living room wall of glory with all my sisters in their beautiful traditional wedding gowns. She made certain there was never space for it. Yes it scarred me in ways unimaginable. Then I grew up, matured and recognized it for what it was, manipulation and retaliation meant to scar my sense of self worth. Some of us never arrive at that place of peace, acceptance and self love. I am lucky.
If we can't shine and please our own parents then we doubt the pleasure our own existence bring. Unsatisfied children grow up to be insatiable adults towards their own kids. Some parents can never be pleased. I could never please my mom so I stopped trying. I concentrated on pleasing myself and discovered my strengths and passions.
But did I escape being "like" her? Am I my mother? How do I parent?
This thought gnaws at the very core of my soul. Am I a disapproving parent? Do I demand and place stipulations and undo stress on my kid to make up for what I lacked at her age? Do I reflect my character flaws on my daughter? Do I make my fears hers? Relationships with our children are important. We must take time to examine our conscience and motives when it comes to how and when to show disapproval. Have you ever considered you are raising someones future parent? I never thought of it like that before. Thanks to all who bared their souls so that I might learn and share with others. You are my heroes. By acknowledging where your fears came from you have conquered them.

What's Your Fear?

Recently I decided to read through some of my older blog posts. Most of my P.O.V. (points of view) are taken from other people's reaction to us. Fat, skinny, black, poor...all the labels affixed to us by watching eyes ever positioned on our less than flattering selves. I've recently come to terms with the fact that true fear comes from the inside out. It is how we view ourselves that frighten us the most. After all who cares what strangers think? Exterior views are only as meaningful as we make them to be.
I attended a college homecoming dance a few weeks ago when this great song came on and my daughter tried to pull, then drag me unto the dance floor. Among about 150 people no one was dancing and I didn't have the confidence to "get the party started," as it might be. My fear was that I wouldn't remember the steps and frankly look my age. That was my bad, my fear. I didn't give onlookers a chance to affix a negative label on me I beat them to the punch. I sorely regret that I didn't accept that first dance even though I danced the next five in a row.
A friend and talented writer didn't attend the writer's conference recently because she feared she didn't look her best. She became her own worst enemy, labeled herself "not appropriate" enough and is now regretting her decision. Fear causes us to judge ourselves harsher than any onlooker could.
Then there is the young woman who waltzed into the awards banquet, the dressiest affair of the writers conference, barefoot. Nice outfit, no shoes. The big smile she wore on her face made you not care about what she didn't wear on her feet. "Wow," I liked her style. Fearless! Whatever fear is holding you back, get over it, like now. Really. So...what is your fear?

Golden Triangle Writers Guild Conference

This past weekend Beaumont was the place to be for authors, writers, agents, publishers, poets and book lovers from all over. I conducted two workshops at the conference. "The Critique Mystique," and "You Don't Have to Write Alone." The latter class focused on Anthologies.

Here I am with Dr. Carol Weishampel, my critique partner and dear friend on the left. On the right is my mentor, teacher whom I owe everything to for getting me started and keeping me straight.

                                            

  

I am here with Casey Kelly my inspiration and whom I aspire to be like. Casey has and is doing it all. Author, producer, director, film, screenwriter, movies, t.v. and so much more. I love her spirit and totally connect with her philosophy on life.                 

My "motivation" what drives me is always standing right next to me in anything I do. My daughter attended the "Awards Banquet," to cheer her mom on. She is my biggest blessing and staunchest supporter.

The talent at this conference is past amazing. The author's that participated are the best in the biz hands down. I was humbled and sooo honored to walk away with 1st place in Short Story category, 1st place in Fiction-Mainstream and 3rd place in the "Writer's Jar" contest. Congratulations to all my friends and peers alike for this honor. Special Congratulations to Dr. Carol Weishampel for her 1st place in Illustrations category.

The Susan Boyle Parable Worth Repeating

Fat, skinny, black, brown, poor, uneducated, republican, liberal, religious, wiccan, homosexual, christian, jewish,scholarly. These are just some of the labels that affect how we view each other. Fortunately we are NOT our labels. We are complicated and diverse human beings each with our own unique gifts. So is the case of Susan Boyle the singing sensation that everyone prejudged to be the butt of a joke. It makes me want to cry watching the audience and judges reaction to her before she sang. Susan Boyle indicated that since her instant fame maybe she wouldn't be "lonely" anymore. Obviously shunned her entire life for not fitting the stereotypical standards of model good looks, people ignored her, deemed her unworthy of friendship. An 11 year old boy hung himself in April of this year. He was gentle, passive, and peace loving which his peers equated with looking and acting gay. United Airlines is charging heavy people twice the fair of thin passengers. There is a parable in all this. When Jesus come again and He does not have blue eyes or blond hair... if Jesus is over weight....if His clothes are not the latest styles...if He acts lovingly and tenderly and is homeless....how will we treat Him?

WITCHES & CATHOLICS

I know what you are thinking. Debra is about to do a Halloween post. Not so. I met a bright, attractive woman that expressed strong views against racism along with a zeal for tolerance and I thought I would like to get to know her and maybe make a new friend.

After a couple exchanges I find out she is a practicing witch.
She was raised in a non-practicing Reformed Jewish household and is non Christian & admits Jesus is not high on her list. Wiccans (I assume her witch community) view Jesus as a man God representative stand-in for God & is sacrificed. My bottom lip starts to quiver. Mary worship (my beloved blessed mother of Jesus) she says is an interesting cult! GULP!
I've been called an idol worshipper for my devotions to Mary, and Jesus is our savior because God sacrificed Him for our sins, but I just never quite heard it expressed like that before.
I tell her if she is a devil worshipper and wishes harm to others, game over, no friendship. Her response, "No self respecting neo-pagan or Wiccan would worship the devil. Satan is a Christian concept." Who knew or thought of it in those terms? Wiccan code of ethics she says doesn't permit harming of others. Peace loving witches, o.k. I'm being cautiously tolerant now. However she did perform an unbinding ritual on a friend that gave her permission to break lingering psychic ties to an ex-husband. She also did one on herself to break lingering psychic ties to an ex boy friend. I can see that. Perfectly normal. I've had to unbind myself from a few ex friends by changing my telephone number and spamming their un-wanted emails.
She believes in Karma (whatever you do will come back to you). I'm there on that point (you reap what you sow). "All Souls Day," is a big time for witches to commune with the dead. I celebrate this custom also and clean off graves of loved ones, say extra prayers and usually light prayer candles in their honor. No conversations though. O.K. maybe this can work out. She believes in absolute tolerance of others but despise people who use religion as an excuse to hate or discriminate against others. I feel the same about those that use patriotism as an excuse to do the same. I guess there are bad witches and good witches just like there are bad people and good people. Who am I to judge or discriminate against someone because of their differences. After all, isn't that what I preach and how I try to live my life. Welcome Wiccans and neo-pagans to Debra's blog.

What Makes You Happy?

In a previous post dated July 1, 2009 I proclaimed, "escapism is the new racism." I theorized that most people exhibiting prejudice behavior or racist acts try to escape from whatever is causing them unhappiness in their lives by transferring blame to someone else. The escapist rationalize that their being born to a specific race gives them superiority over another human being. This way of thinking and behaving momentarily makes them happy and feel satisfied.
This got me wondering why are so many people unhappy? Maybe it is because they don't know what makes them happy. Let's be real first. We are not happy 100% of the time. Everyone has moments of unhappiness. Bouts of sadness and feelings of despair happens. I believe it to be our nature not to be happy all the time. Happiness should always be a goal to reach, something to strive for. It does not come automatically. So we are back to where we started. What makes a person happy?
For me it all boils down to knowing my purpose in life. My passion. The thing that drives me. Yes all the obvious things make me happy like God, family, friends etc; My outward happiness starts first from the inner peace and satisfaction I feel from the very core of my existance. If this is true then when a person is unhappy on the inside that unhappiness radiates towards others on the outside as well. Thus my point about projecting your unhappiness unto others and using them as a scapegoat.
When I am writing or speaking I feel the communion of God, intellect, heart and spirituality springing forth from the depths of my soul. It gushes out of me like a well spring of life. It pleases me immensely, and I am filled with joy and happiness. I write and lecture for myself but humbly hope that someone will be moved and touched in a positive way from what I have said or written. I want to please and make others happy.
So I want you to ponder today your purpose driven life. Are you happy from the inside out and if not why? What makes YOU happy? A small hint: It has nothing to do with money or things. Can you see the connection between your happiness and making others happy? Do you understand how degrading other people is an indication that your life is not in balance and you are not happy? Can you find find happiness and change bad behavior? Yes you can!

Religion and Non-Religion

The subject on one of my friends blog is religion. I was taken back by how many people commented that they didn't find themselves or their creative voices until they parted ways with structured religion. Not that this is wrong, it is just that I find myself at a creative peak during and after mass. I love the mystery of my faith and I am devoutly Catholic. I find peace and solace when I attend mass. I find participating in the Eucharist an opportunity to commune with Jesus first hand in His presence.
Having said that, I do not believe going to church is the sole gateway to heaven. I believe other religions and non religions contain their own sacred mysteries and therefore should be treated with reverence. Did not Jesus address the crowds of many and each heard Him in their native tongue. So God to me speaks to each of us differently. There is no superior religion, no wrong or right.
One nescessarily doesn't have to have a religious affiliation to know a higher power. One's spirituality and communion with a faith filled life is in direct relationship to how we treat our fellow man, ourselves and the earth.
You need do no more than respect each person's right to exist, treat your body and mind as a temple and be a friend to the earth. It is the same as following the Ten Commandments. How simple is that?